All The Things!

If there's one thing I hate it's cheesy wallpaper. You know the kind. The super ratty floral print that's designed to look old but immediately gives you a migraine and flashback to sitting in your grandmother's kitchen on Thanksgiving and she's trying to force feed you Brussels sprouts... Only the stuff that I'm whining about is even worse. Yes. It CAN get worse. It can be tar stained from years of gratuitous smoking, poorly installed, and lifting. Yep... Wallpaper Hell is a place on Earth and that place is this old mansion's scullery and the stairwell of my servant's staircase. I kid you not. Not only did someone place horrific white latex paint over the wood work in that location, but they decided to paper it in the most heinous and hideous "antique feel" wallpaper they could possibly find. Only it's totally country home and not Victorian... And even then I'd rather see the factory that produced it burnt to the ground than allowed to produce another roll and have it plague a country farm home. I wouldn't even wish this stuff on my husband's ex-wife's home... That's saying a lot (you're welcome). Needless to say, the area is a hot mess and is now in a state of flux as we begin to restore it... No matter how hard we clean, it still looks gritty - and we can all thank smokers and neglect for that screw job.

Don't believe me? Challenge accepted.

Feast your eyes on this degree of "restoration" failure!

Properly horrified? Good. You should be.

The idea now is to take out that handy dandy heat gun and strip it off 100%, fix the missing portion of wood, replace the hand rail with something more appropriate than the cheap mess that's currently there, and likely put a wood wainscot in before painting. The risers to the stairs will be covered in tin tile that will either be painted white or stained dark to match the tread once we refinish and stain it... I'm starting to lean towards the white stain in order to help brighten things up and give tired night eyes a fighting chance at not falling up the stairs - it's possible, I've done it... Many times.

As you can see in the above photo, someone got lazy and painted the stairs white and hid their laziness with a runner rug - the evidence of which, aside from the slip shod paint job, was an ill-placed and raised nail head that wound up in my foot shortly after we moved in. It wasn't cute or appreciated... There was cussing, a lot of it - and then I annihilated the nail and went looking for the rest of its family in a manner that would have made Al Capone a very proud man. The bottom portion of the stairs happens to be a darker area of the home, that's for certain. The scullery window is currently taken up by a rather ugly AC unit... It's being kissed good bye in favor of lead or stained glass, and I have no doubt that will help brighten things up.

Speaking of stained glass, the window at the first landing of those stairs will be replaced with it. Why? Because magnificent and colorful, that's why. But for the rest of the stairwell, I'm honestly not yet sure what color to paint it... Or if I'll be going in and stenciling with period correct design - but I know it'll be 1000% better than what's there now.

Wanna make a paint motif suggestion? Please do!

ALSO! Due to request and recommendation, The Battle of Chiroptera is being turned into a self published novella and will be available soon! I'll be posting it on the blog - but for those of you who would like a signed and limited edition printed copy, I'll have a few available that can be obtained through a small donation to the Mansion's restoration fund! More info on that will be posted soon.

The Battle of Chiroptera

Hello friends,

Yeah, I know,  I suck at updating this thing,  but in my defense things are pretty hectic here with the new baby and everything else that is going on with the Mansion. I’ll start things off with an apology as always;  sorry for not keeping you guys informed up to the minute! Next, I’ll entertain you with one of my more recent and amusing things to have transpired.

Over the winter we found a bat in the house (NOT uncommon for old homes and this area since we’re a total bat haven with a TON of old homes and the fact we’re crammed between two rivers with less than a mile between them. In fact they actually merge right here in town) that had been pretty banged up, presumably by one of the three resident Couch Panthers that prowl our halls. A quick scope around the old ballroom showed no sign of a roost up on the third floor so we presumed it had fallen down the unused chimney in the parlor and called it square.

Fast forward to a couple of nights ago when, out of nowhere, a late night of research and work was interrupted and brought to a quick halt when I was clipped in the back of the head and suddenly all three cats came tearing past from the same direction. In the middle of a startled string of expletives, I looked up to see a bat fluttering in rapid circles around my living room. The result? The husband and I chased it through the entire house because the little flying ace would make it through 1” gaps between the pocket doors. I, of course, wore an Easter basket on my head. Why? Because (valid) reasons and the fact that the only other variety of headgear I possess is a riding helmet that was in the library and he didn’t make it into the library. That’s why.

However, the final show down as a scene straight out of WWII. Hubby and I were strategically placed in the dining room, armed with towels, and taking shots at trying to knock this thing out of the sky like two Navy destroyers trying to thwart a kamikaze Japanese Zero. It was oddly fitting considering hubby’s Veteran status.

…We won.

Oddly enough, there are STILL no signs of bats in the ball room even though I was CONVINCED that they were up there! All searching to find the roost has been widely unsuccessful. That said… There is more activity than just that of the enemy Chiroptera.

Renderings are being done by a very talented intern architect from Ohio State University, who I’ve come to know and love over the last year and change. As such, and knowing how ridiculously attention to detail (and downright good at her job) she is, I gave her the task of designing the new rear elevation of the house. The porch, like I had mentioned months ago, is going to come down and be reconstructed as a stone grotto complete with stained glass and an outdoor fireplace. It will also open out onto a deck that will replace the crumbling cement patio that currently exists. Over all, the idea is to;

A.) Replace the ugly porch addition that’s not so sound (the roof is a hot mess and there’s lead paint),
B.) Get rd of the extra door so we’re not left fumbling with keys and kids during bad weather events like snow and, you know, tornadoes…

and,

C.) Create a stunning off kitchen sitting area to enjoy fireside all year long.

The deck will eventually overlook  a koi pond that we’ll be putting in where the current iris bed is and the irises will be moved up front where everyone can appreciate them. OH and the cement walk will be 86ed in favor of cobble stone.

Once renderings are done, we’ll be pulling permits and beginning probably around July 4^th with a grand sledge hammer event. The only thing being saved are the old glass panes. Once that project is done we’ll have a late summer deck party!

That said… Please pardon our dust.

In the meantime, enjoy a photo I took after serious request for a picture of me in my bat battling headgear.